Let Go
by sand2
Summary: What could have happened after "Under the Gun" episode  3x03 . When she gets home, Beckett finds herself unabled to keep her tears at bay.
1. Chapter 1

She had forced herself to be strong. She had forced herself to put on that poker face. She had forced herself not to feel again. But as she closed the door of her apartment behind her, NYPD Detective Kate Beckett felt all those restrained emotions wash back through her. She lied back against the door and let herself slide to the floor as the first sobs rocked her body. She gathered her legs to her chest and held tight, hoping to muffle the sounds of her crying. Even alone, she wouldn't normally let herself cry, let any sign of weakness show for that matter. But tonight was different. She was hurt. Someone had hurt her. Again.

She had trust him and he betrayed that. Mike Royce was just like any other men. But if she was honest with herself, it wasn't only his betrayal that made her break that night. Royce had long left her mind… her heart to be replaced by someone else.

Richard Castle.

And he had hurt her too. A few months ago, she was ready to bare her heart to him. His decision to leave, even just for the summer, shook her. She had then realized that he was more to her that a pain in her ass, a partner or even a friend. Richard Castle had slowly made his way into her heart, making his presence, his teasing, his annoying cockiness necessary for her. But he had left anyway. With his ex-wife. For months. And he never called, making it clear for her that she wasn't as important to him as he was to her.

Richard Castle had broken her heart and this case was only the drop that made the vase overflow.

Tonight she just couldn't hold it anymore.

Her cell phone was ringing in the back of her purse but she didn't even move to see who was calling. She was crying so hard she could barely hear the knocks on her door. She didn't bother answer either, whoever it was would get tired and leave.

"Beckett? Beckett? Are you here?" a too-well-known voice called.

"Go… away… Castle…" Beckett managed between sobs.

"Please open the door. Please." He softly said.

She somehow managed to take control over her body and got to her feet. Letting Castle see her in this state of distress was the last thing she wanted right now but she knew he wouldn't leave before she actually opened the damn door. She let the security chain hooked up and cracked the door opened.

"What do you want?" she asked, her eyes on the floor, not daring to meet his eyes.

"Can I come in?" the concern in his voice obvious, made her heart sink even deeper.

"I'm tired Castle. I'd like to be alone."

"I wanted to be sure you were alright. And apparently you aren't. Can I come in?" he asked again.


	2. Chapter 2

She sighed. Finally, she gave up. She felt empty and way too exhausted to argue with Castle tonight. She closed the door, unlocked the security chain and opened it. She didn't wait for him to enter before she turned her back to him and went to sit on her couch. He heard him close the door and felt his presence before he even sat beside her. She turned her head away from him. She knew it was stupid, that he could easily see that she's been crying but she wasn't used to let her guard down.

"Beckett, look at me." Castle gently asked.

His heart was crushing for her. He hated seeing her so sad. It didn't matter that she claimed to have faked the emotions as she called Royce to ask him to turn himself in. It didn't matter that she was strong enough to not let her hands shake as she handcuffed him, to not let her voice quiver as she stated his rights. He knew that Kate Beckett was hurting the whole time. When they went to the cemetery to dig out that treasure, he felt that she was holding back. He had hoped it would take her mind off what happened for a moment but it didn't.

So after taking a shower and get into a change of clothes he realized he couldn't rest until he knew that she was okay. He had started with calling her cell phone but when she wouldn't pick up he had grown worried and decided to drive to her place.

She was trying hard to hide her puffy red eyes from him. He knew she was too proud to let anyone see her cry, that she felt tears were a sign of weakness. Gently, he reached out to her, taking his chin between his fingers, forcing her to turn her face towards him. She didn't resist much, which added to his worry. He could now see clearly how distraught she was and it took him completely out of guard.

"Look at me." He whispered again.

Reluctantly, she did so. She wasn't prepared for the intensity of the emotions she saw in her partner's eyes. Concern, worry, sadness, they all mirrored her own. Not the pity she was expected.

"I'm sorry." She murmured.

"For what? Crying? You don't have any reason to be sorry, Kate. Crying doesn't make you weak. It only makes you human. He's the one who you should be sorry. I'm so sorry he hurt you."

"He's not the one who hurt me most."

The words passed her lips before she could hold them. Her eyes widened as she realized what she had just said.

"What do you mean?" Castle wondered, not entirely certain he knew what she was talking about.

"Nevermind."

She promptly stood, leaving his closeness and made her way to the window, looking away again. He could feel her defence walls building back up at the speed of light. He followed her and only stopped a few inches behind her.

"Who hurt you?" he asked.

"No one."

"But you said…"

"Drop it Castle." She snapped, trying to get as far away from his as she could.

She couldn't stand being so close to him, not in the emotional state she was in tonight. She was feeling her defence dropping and she didn't like it at all. All she wanted to do was run. But he wouldn't let her. He grabbed her arm and made her face him.

"No I won't drop it Kate. I won't drop it because I care about you. And it's killing me to see you hurt so badly." He admitted.

"Then stop hurting me!" she yelled at him.

**A bit more to come. **

**All reviews accepted (especially since I have not written any of these for years!)**


	3. Chapter 3

His jaw dropped. He sure wasn't expecting it. He was the one hurting her? He knew she was upset that he didn't call when he spent the summer in the Hamptons but he couldn't understand why it would hurt her so badly. He couldn't move and she took the opportunity to free her arm.

"Please Castle. Leave me alone." She almost begged.

"Tell me. I… Explain to me. How did I hurt you so badly?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does! I can't… I hate to see you so sad and if I'm the cause of it I want to know why. I want to make it better. Please Kate, tell me." He paused. "Is it because I didn't call? I know you were mad at me but…"

"Of course I am mad!" Anger was rising in her jade eyes. "We see each other almost every day for two years… TWO YEARS Castle… and you didn't even send a message to see how I was? I thought we were partners. I thought we were friends…"

"We ARE friends." He cut.

"Are we really?"

She was staring at him with an icy glare and for once he was starting to get angry too. She wasn't being fair. He wasn't the only one who stayed silent.

"You didn't call either!"

"What?"

It was her turn to be surprised with his outburst.

"You can't blame me for not calling! You could have called too and you didn't. How do you think it made me feel?"

"I don't know Castle. I didn't think you would have any time to 'feel' anything. I thought your book and your ex-wife had kept you busy through the whole summer."

"Is this what it's all about?" He was starting to understand why she had reacted this way. "Me going to the Hamptons with Gina?"

She saw a smile appearing on his face. He moved forward again and she took another step back. And another. She never realized he was backing her to the wall until she felt the cold of it against her spine. He was getting impossibly close and she felt her heart was going to explode.

"Are you jealous Detective Beckett?" he asked, his voice lower than usual.

"I… No… I'm not."

But the blush colouring her cheeks gave her away. He seemed to get even closer if that was possible and she felt his breath tickling her left ear as he whispered : "I am too." He then looked at her, almost expecting her to hit him but all he could see was the astonishment which left her lips slightly opened. So he did the only thing he was able to.

He kissed her.

**Really I had forgotten how much fun it was! I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did! **


End file.
